It’s morning

Some times in the morning I feel hopefull.  After my 20 minutes convincing my self to get out of bed, I get up and think this will be a good day.  I got up wanting to come and write my thoughts.  I am a little anxious and exited to get all of this bullshit out of my head.  Hoping than someone other than me will read it. It does make me feel better to write.  Maybe so many people will want to read my trash that I will be able to make money out of this blog and

river betwenn two mountains

and I will not have to leave my house.  So I go check to see if my blog name “liveitwell” is available, and of course it is not.  One of those fucking idiots who make a living buying domain names wholesale has bought it and is happy to sell it to me for thousands of dollars.  Shit, when I get some money  I will go buy me a good name.  Something like “don’t kill your self” ” remember your son will not survive without you and you’ll ruin your dauthers life” “shit.com”

I haven’t made a penny since October 2009, and my husband gives me very little money, so now I don’t leave the house unless I have to . I was able to get hold of some money this year and went and paid the membership for the health club, as I have put on so much weighth, but I just don’t have the desire to go.  I have always gone to the gym if it was available, now it is too much effort and I hate looking at those happy people with their skinny bodies, or the fat fucks hoping to loose weight.   Like their skin isn’t going to hang out and look disgusting, if they do loose the weight.   I have to say that if people are nice I don’t care if they are fat or not.   They do look beautifull to me.  I hate looking in the mirror.

I had a crappy friend who had  bariatric surgery lost like 70 pounds and with clothes on looks great. But we used to go to the beach during the summers, and I hated to see how she thought she was so hot, but her skin just hanged loose as she walked with her leather skin from too much sun and the tacky tattos.  She would also flirt with the teen  life guards, and really thought that they would flirt back.   I could see how the boys would make fun of her as soon as she would walk back to our spot.  I am happy to say, we are no longer friends by her choice.  If I think I have a crappy life, I wonder why she doesn’t kill her self.  She really has nothing going for her self.  I will tell you about her in a future post.

I know I sound like a disgusting human being in this blog, but that is the purpose of this.  To write all the shit that goes through my head that I would never have the guts to tell other people.  Believe it or not people like me and love me, they think that I am a nice person.  If they just knew.